(Set in lobby, very minimalistic design done in a neutral color palette. Upstage center sits the doorman at a stand. To the left of the doorman is the profile of a door exiting the complex and to the right is the profile of the elevator. Just above the Doorman’s head the whitewashed wall ends and the rest of the wall is done exterior style in bricks. In downstage center there is a small sitting area with two chairs and a coffee table and a dying plant on the coffee table. The doorman is establishing his position and character)
Doorman
(He is sorting the mail and introducing characters each sentence should be assigned to a specific envelope being placed)
Mrs. Watson, 33B a terribly fine woman, has a voice like a sick frog…such a pity she talks so much. And here we have Mr. Kline
(turns around to face the audience for the first time and gestures at them with envelope)
who does he think he’s fooling in a no dogs allowed building when he walks down here with so fur all over his clothes, it’s an insult to my intelligence (turns around) however we have our own little….agreement.
(picks up envelope and starts to search room number in a big directory in front of him)
That’s the one. Lost boy I call him, comes down here at 9:30 and wanders in and out all day, God only knows what he does. Apartment 13F, nice view lost boy has one side a dark alley way, and the other an enormous billboard in front of his face.
(picks up a larger envelope shakes it experimentally near his ear)
And this would be Mr. and Mrs. Billard, quite the building scandal being Mrs. Billard had supposedly done quite the thing to her frie….never mind, Mrs. Watson told me that, I don’t trust her as far as you can throw her…I can’t throw her very far you see.
(turns around and starts to shelve envelopes when they are all dropped on the floor bends to stoop them up)
Person A
(on the phone other person not letting him talk, large pauses and scattered stuttering, obviously very frustrated)
I — ye– of course
(long pause)
Wel—I was— no, no of course your right, Well you see,
(another long pause)
Did you happen to see my ideas on the subject,
(pause)
oh, and you, didn’t like it? Oh,… well that’s a pretty….strong reaction. please, just one more chance I know I can make it up to you all I have to do-
(pause)
Oh, are you sure, just well Sir. its been hard lately, but things are clearing up so.
(to his self)
and you hung up.
(dials another number)
Ahh, honey, — no this is not, well yes it is, you see It is absolutely critical that I ….. no, of course I want to meet her friend but, how about on Monday……You can’t just spring this on me, right, her last day in the city., well I mean she was here for three months..No, no I didn’t mean that Of course I don’t feel that way! how could you even sugge-
(other person hangs up)
(enter landlord from elevator walking to the doorman, as he reaches center stage enter evictee with crumpled eviction sign in her hand running after him)
Evictee
(running after landlord)
Excuse me…
(landlord keeps walking)
Hey!
(angrily, shouted)
Arden
(passively aggressively)
You called
Evictee
(flustered)
I…Found…this-
Arden
No doubt you re-
Evictee
Yes, but why?
Arden
You don’t pay y-
Evictee
You don’t und-
Arden
I don’t what, Understand? No, I sympathized three months ago,
(evictee tries to interject)
I now understand that you can’t have this p-,
(evictee tries to interject)
No, don’t make me the villain here!, you can wipe the paint splatters of your wall and pack up. You have one month.
(Turns around and walks away) (evictee tries to chase him but turns around and exits stage)
Mrs. Watson
(walks in from elevator and bumps into evictee)
Oh, Dear I’m so sorr- well, moving out are we?
(very saccharin sweet and sarcastic)
(as evictee runs out furious mrs. watson crosses into mrs. billard )
Oh, did you know dear that whatsherface artist, on the thirteenth floor is getting
(whispered)
evicted….
(both exit scowling at the scandal)
Doorman
(watches the two women leave then leans back and sighs) Well, maybe sometimes Mrs. Watson is right, but to her getting evicted, is almost as distasteful as, well nothing.
(leans forward in all seriousness)
That’s all she is a fish in a bowl, when you throw away the bowl
(draws finger around neck)
no fish, And she doesn’t even know that Arden, the landlord, oh, her lease claws at him like well, you know when the owners of said goldfish bring home a cat. All that cat does is watch that fish swim around. Biding time until the bowl just…slips. Then you have no fish and a very satisfied cat. Who is probably washing down the artist he just ate earlier. Three Months ago whatsherface artist moved in.
END OF SCENE
(this scene takes place 3 months, or however long ago evictee moved in, she is now moving in, the lighting is a tad warmer than before, the doorman is helping her move in canvases and the common goers of the building and her are getting acquainted as she is ferrying stuff to the elevator Mrs. Watson + Wallace enter)
Mrs. Watson
Oh, and it is simply quite charming that you and your be-
(very offended)
well what do we have here? Oh, hello , you, yes are you…moving in, oh let me hel
(is handed a box which she promptly puts down then spies the doorman and gives it to him, it should be substantially sized, when she hands it he sags and she doesn’t acknowledge him)
never mind, well anyway oh why this is
(upon being handed a strange lamp, should be said sarcastically)
simply…charming.
(the doorman back from loading the box is immediately handed the lamp)
Well, anyway, you’re welcome and I’ll be on my way
(look distastefully at the furniture.)
Arden
(entering) Hello, I see you have found your way and are un-
(handed a big box wrapped in tape)
Evictee
Careful there, that’s my Grandmom’s China, you break it well….I’d rather not go into that
Arden
(carefully puts down the china)
Anyway
(dodges being handed another box)
I can see that you are already…unloading but, I have received a bit of a history between you and other fellow landlords and I jus-
Evictee
You don’t understand, that’s behind me, now, I -you can be sure that it won’t happen again.
Arden
Well then make yourself…at home,
(tries to lean on a box but it falls, he quickly stacks along and hurries back out)
(enter lost boy)
Evictee
(sees lost boy)
Oh! are you the moving person? excellent. It has taken quite along time, well trust my brother to find the slowest in the business, well I want help moving these up, and still in the truck is a large slab of cement that is far too big for the elevator so the sta-
Lost Boy
I’m not the m-
Doorman
(sarcastically to himself)
He’s not the mover
Evictee
oh of course so then, these need to be taken up to there is als-
Lost boy
I don’t move stuff-
Evictee
you must be careful, that horrible lamp is from my mother so don-
Lost Boy
I”M NOT A MOVER
Evictee
oh.
Lost Boy
Though, I-I was wondering, where is the subway-no bus, no wait subway station for downtown?
(pulls out rumpled map Evictee starts pointing and he leaves Doorman rolls eyes)
Evictee
Oh by the way your shirts on backwards!
(she starts dragging boxes to the elevator, the doorman watches from his desk as she reaches the elevator, the door opens and person A enters)
Person A
Ah hello Mr. Arnolds, oh thank you so much for the second chance, I won’t stop until It is all done, whenever you need me I will be there….tonight? well-nevermind I can be there.. Of course, well thank you again, goodbye.
(steps over box that evictee is trying to push then dials another number)
A hello, yes you, well I have a big project, tonight I will need you to organize all the files in my office-you want this promotion,—then cancel, do what it takes to get the job done.
(dials a new number)
Hello, Oh Honey, I have somethin-well of course I know your mother is coming
(rolls eyes)
Well, Of course I can pick her up, but I have to stay late at the off-
(long pause as his wife screams at him)
of course I appreciate her, just when she’s not you know, here
(moves phone away from ear as wife unleashes a barrage of insults)
(he leaves)
(everyone exits and the stage goes dark except for the doorman who puts down the newspaper he was reading)
Doorman
eight years ago, Arden buys this building, nine years ago Mrs. Watson moves in with a kick ass lease. Nine years later Arden still claws at that lease. two years ago, Mrs. Wallace moves in. 1 year ago business man psychopath moves in.
Person A
Its not like the last time, this is my last chance, I will get fired if this doesn’t happen, then how can we pay our mortgage, your mother can wait
Doorman
five more years and the buidling will probably be under the control of some new schmuck. . Mrs. Watson, to her she’s known Arden his whole life, or at least the part that matters. Arden can say he’s watched people move in an out. three months time span….pathetic.
twenty four years ago I started working here. They all play their little game. All of them think that they are moving in and out switching it up and down. Been here forever they say to each other. A pretty failed forever if you ask me. But no one does, I could tell Mrs. Billard stories about Mrs. Watson that would curl her greasy hair.
I’ve seen new owners for the fishbowl, buy new fish, new cats, and I’ve seen the entire family kicked out of the apartment. New family new fish. still the same…whatever I am in goldfish land.
All of them say that people look like ants from the high up apartments they live in. they just don’t realize that even up close, well ants still look like ants.
END OF SCENE
(to transition to this scene the spotlight stays on the doorman as people walk in out fast paced as if the clock is speeding up and the lights fade up. You see Mrs. Watson in the sitting lounge with a cup of particularly foamy coffee, evictee is looking for Arden flustered but then sits down on the other side of sitting area with her head in her hands and her crumpled eviction sign )
Mrs. Watson
(dumps her coffee all over the plant)
Evictee
(upon hearing the splash looks at Mrs. watson, looks like she has been crying) What the hell are you doing?
Mrs. Watson
Well you know…I was done and the plant looks….thirsty
Evictee
thirsty, not caffeine deprived
Mrs. Watson
Well excuse me for trying to do something nice, no one waters that plant except me….
Evictee
what, everyday you dump your coffee all over that plant
Mrs. Watson
There’s a saying do a good thing a day and something with doctors? no, maybe its a proverb? or a-
Evictee
I thought it was about apples not coffee covered good deeds, besides your killing it
Mrs. Watson
it is very respectable to do good things
Evictee
. (puts down evicted paper on the table, Mrs. Watson strains to look at it)
Mrs. Watson
(loudly and very fake and sweet)
Oh Dear, I’m so sorry you will be leaving,
Evictee
It is not set in stone yet
Mrs. Watson
Actually I have a darling friend, quite the dear, and she already has her eye on it so…it does seem as if its set in stone.
Evictee
(starts to cry, Mrs. Watson looks around and hands her the eviction sign to blow her nose in, Mrs. Watson starts fussing with the plant)
So that’s it, I’m out and the apartment will be taken by another berserk environmentalist.
Mrs. Watson
(pats her on the back)
you’ll be missed, Ms…..
(evictee bursts into fresh sobs and is patted on the back again she sits up and brushes off hand when she sees Arden enter the building and runs with her paper to him)
Evictee
Wait! Don’t Walk aw-
Arden
What? Do you-
Evictee
did you lease th-
Arden
The apartment? Yes, a week before I evicted you, just wanted to make sure we had a smooth transition between tenant and tenant
Evictee
but- I was
Arden
Still living there?
Evictee
But, this is my-
Arden
Home? Seems like you’ve had
(ticks off on fingers)
one, two three, four of those, what Makes this one different? Nothing. One month, well plus a day, it’s a leap year. good bye. Happy packing.
(black out except for doorman)
Doorman
looking at people here you would guess the human condition is nastiness, just general annoyance with the world, Because here everyone has been hardened until they’re a shell of sarcastic bitterness. Whats so terrible you wonder, well no one cares. What do you want to tell the person next door?, shut up?, turn your radio down?, It annoys me when you whistle in the elevator? They think they live in apartments, if you penetrate their extraordinarily thick skulls you’ll see the only place the live is in their head, staring out eyes like holes drilled from five feet away. Like when Mr. Kline goes ice fishing. Drills these big holes and probably falls asleep next to them. When people come in, they have names, they have memories for others, but then over days the wear and tear of indifference starts to grind those memories away until all their left with is their own name, only known because mail arrives with it written down. (lights black out)
End of Scene
(when the lights come up the stage is set up same as in the flashback, boxes stacked near the door, however some are on the luggage cart to be taken away. )
Arden
Well then….
(very strained and awkward)
Evictee
There is no well then, only a what now.
Arden
I’m sorry,
Evictee
That’s what I hate, false apologies. clearly your not sorry enough to not do it.
Arden
its not like what-
Evictee
not what, what it looks like?
(gestures with arms spread)
clearly it is.
Arden
I, just, well-
Evictee
For your own sake, stop talking
(gives him a box to take outside which he does and exits, she looks around and sits on a box and puts head in hands, doorman makes a noise. She turns around angrily and picks up a small box)
Want to take this outside? no? well then what do you want to do, just watch, just stare at all the passing lives? What gives you this right? to watch the oncoming traffic, standing on the yellow line in the middle, As if your above it all? What gives you the right to watch my life collapse around me.
Doorman
this is a public space all that happens in it is public. all the kids that fall from the jungle bars in the playground are public.
Evictee
you and all your contempt. You’re life is stale so you just watch others, live through them. but you can pick and choose, the storybook endings, mix just what you want and laugh at those without choices.
Doorman
what happens now
Evictee
I don’t know. But your story goes on doesn’t it? New tenant new…pet sort of?
Doorman
new fish in a bowl
Evictee
life goes on then doesn’t it?
Doorman
I guess so (holds door for her to leave)
Lights dim around doorman
Kalia Firester
Age 14, Grade 9
Hunter College High School
Gold Key