Long ago, a boy named Peter Pan saved me, and we soared through the night, yet soon he was gone. I used to sit at my window sill waiting for a miracle to happen, and one day it did.

People look at me now and say, “She’s quiet and also shy.” Well, I used to think I was a movie star, popular musician, actress, and many more. Singing in the shower was a nightly routine, that ended with tons of clapping in my head. I pranced around my house wearing a bright pink tutu and ballet slippers, doing spins and leaps. Yet, this was all a dream for me. I never had the chance to walk on a stage and perform in that tutu. Then a new year blossomed, and I found myself at 91st and Madison standing on stage, bright lights upon me, next to Peter Pan.

Wendy Angela Darling was my name. Looking back I see the shimmer in my eyes. My hair was curled and done up with a bow and my pink lips gleamed with pride. Everyone looked up to me like a city upon a hill. I squeaked out words and helped others with theirs. I had been waiting for this moment forever. Finally it came but was over within hours. I was standing next to the love of my life, at the time, and I could not wait to just break out and sing and dance.

Look at me now. I am afraid to leap and shine and am fearful of attention. But how did I get to where I am now? I ask myself this question a million times a day. I hunt my brain for answers, secrets hidden within, but none are ever found. None will ever be found, unless I relive my moment of being Wendy Angela Darling.

I realize that in some way I am still the little girl that I was. I still dream of a miracle to happen and for someone to sweep me off my feet and carry me away. I am still that girl waiting for her time on stage. I still sing in the shower, and when nobody is home, I sing in the kitchen. Yet, I am too afraid to admit it. Too afraid to admit that there is a ballerina, a singer, and an actress all hidden inside of me. But I am going to let them all out.

Tryouts for Peter Pan were not existent and instead were chosen based upon our personalities and actions. Then why was I Wendy? No one had ever seen me dance around my house or sing in the shower. I couldn’t understand it. One day we were practicing dancing and for some reason my teacher asked everyone to look at me. I loved this new attention I was getting. And so at home I decided to play with it too and I became a girl who loved the sound of her name. I would say it in the mirror and say it to myself. Jane, Jane, Jane. Simple, but it said so much at the same time.

Once the play came around, I was done with learning my lines and decided to learn everyone else’s lines too. I ended up memorizing the whole play. Before I knew it, it was the night of the performance. I was filled with so much joy that I could not hold it in. A woman inspected our costumes and perfected our hair. She brushed on petunia pink lipstick and I asked for more, but she told me I was in a nightgown, and no one wears makeup to bed. I was ready.

The feeling of standing on that stage for the very first time felt so good. I felt fresh, reborn, energetic and new to the world. But when Peter Pan burst out from the window into my bedroom, that is when I sincerely felt alive. My eyes opened with a start from my slumber, and there before me was the boy who changed my life. I didn’t know this at the time, but now I do. When he gave me a kiss, I melted. It wasn’t real, it was simply a flower necklace, but it was my first kiss and it meant the world to me.

When I was taken by pirates onto their ship and held captive, I knew how the story would end. I knew somehow someone would save me and that boy would be Peter Pan. What I didn’t know was that he wasn’t just saving me from a bunch of pirates but from so much more. Peter pan showed me the world that night. He taught me that there are other things beyond what we see. He explained that life is not just an act or a performance, it is real.

After the performance in an interview, people asked me questions, but all I said was, “I had fun!” That is all they got out of me and from the look on my face, I definitely did have fun. I think that’s why I stopped wanting to perform in public. I was too concerned about what people thought of me and not about why I was performing in the first place. Now, I am even scared to say a speech in front of a class. Then why would I ever want to tryout for the Middle School play. It never occurred to me that I desired to do so until my last year in Middle School. I knew it would be my last chance. My last chance to relive the past. History repeats its self, doesn’t it? Slowly I am recovering what has happened to me and discovering courage.

I know people will laugh. They will ask me why in the the world I would ever want to do the play. They probably just look at me from the outside and don’t necessarily see the performer within. It troubles me, but truthfully I never really thought that there was a different person inside of me either. I remember not long ago, I was in a store and saw a necklace with a ballerina on it. Next to it there was one with an elephant, but I chose the ballerina. “Why would you ever want a ballerina hanging around your neck?” My mother asked me. I looked down at the necklace. I then replied, “Because I know there is still a dancer in me. I just don’t know how to let her out and show her to people.” I longed for that ballerina to hang against my chest to remember who I was, but funny enough I gave in and chose the elephant. I was afraid to show a part of me that I am still afraid to show now.

I lost the ability to dance when I told myself I wasn’t a performer. I used to take tap, ballet, and modern. Now, I feel awkward and clumsy when I try to dance, and it is one of the things I still don’t get. You can’t lose something entirely that at one point in your life, you loved. So where is it? Where is my ability? It’s still there.

I once danced across the moon singing, “I can soar, I can leap, and once more I’m not even trying!” I know I can still do all those things. And now I will actually fulfill them. My time has come, yet it is way over due. All I have to do is imagine my boy Peter standing next to me, touch the crowd, and please the audience.

Jane McLeod
Age 13, Grade 8,
The Dalton School
Gold Key